


The girl of my dreams

by slut_for_jan_and_trixya, socopotactico



Series: The girl of my dreams [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Love, Romance, Soulmate AU, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25353319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slut_for_jan_and_trixya/pseuds/slut_for_jan_and_trixya, https://archiveofourown.org/users/socopotactico/pseuds/socopotactico
Summary: This is set in a universe where you meet your soulmates through a dream on the day of your eighteenth birthday.WARNING: Mentions of self-harm and minor character deaths.
Relationships: Jackie Cox/Jan Sport
Series: The girl of my dreams [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1836052
Comments: 10
Kudos: 65





	1. I don’t fall in love, but for you, I might

**Author's Note:**

> This story is the first part of a collab with the extremely talented slut_for_jan_and_trixya
> 
> My part is seen from Jackie’s POV and hers will be in Jan’s.

Everyone deserves to fall in love, settle down and find their own destinies. That sounds fun and all, but Jackie was never one to hope for the simplest option. 

Her plans never included a second person, unless that person is furry and walks on four paws. There’s this dream of success and stardom that just wouldn’t leave Jackie’s head. From the day her father made the mistake of taking her to broadway, she never let go of her will to be the next star up on that stage. 

Her mom’s hope for her to become a doctor was thrown out the window the second she stepped into the crowded streets of New York City. She built a dream for herself idolizing the performers up on the stage. 

After convincing her father to sign her up for singing classes, studying became less of a priority. Her grades were soon not up to her mother’s expectations, keeping her from ever getting into medical school. It’s not like she really minded, Jackie never shared her mother’s dreams.

As hard as it was during her teenage years, Jackie’s mother was never one to encourage her career plans, but the day she heard her own daughter nail the high note from Defying Gravity, she couldn’t deny the few tears that escaped from her eyes. Her heart filled with pride, she finally agreed to let Jackie take advanced dance classes every night of the week as long as she promised to keep her grades up. 

Dancing became her escape, she’d pull out all-nighters to work on various choreographies. From a young age, Jackie was a workaholic. Which led her to become part of her high school’s drama club and get the lead in multiple low budget musicals. She’d work her ass off to experience the thrill of performing in front of an audience even if that consisted of family members and the few friends she could talk into coming. 

She felt surrounded by immatures but kept in mind that one day, she’d be working with the best of best. Pictures of numerous buildings and posters from her favourite musicals covered the walls of her bedroom. She’d let her mind travel to the place she knew as her destiny, every night dreaming of the day she’d finally leave to chase her dream, waiting for her in New York City. 

After filling up multiple college applications, Jackie finally got the one call that would change her life. It was three days before her eighteenth birthday when the first door to success opened up for her. 

“Don’t forget me when you’re famous” was all Nicky managed to say when her best friend delivered her the big news. 

“I’ll call you every day, I promise.” Jackie knew very well that she’d be very busy in New York, but she swore to herself that she’d keep in touch with her parents and all of her friends no matter how busy her schedule was. 

“Don’t forget to make time for your special someone.” Nicky winked as she poured Jackie another cup of coffee, on the house. 

Nicky was the romantic one and everyone knew that. She took a job as a barista because she thought it might help her find her own special someone. Jackie always thought that she was crazy and that she should never dedicate her life to some stranger that could be dead by the time Nicky turned 18. 

Jackie met her best friend at school when she was asked to get a tutor in French. Nicky has just moved in from France and made her life a living hell for a big total of four weeks trying to get her to master the pronunciation of the word “ratatouille”. 

The Parisian girl was a year older than Jackie and had already met her soulmate by the time she turned 19. Jackie could hardly believe it when the tall brunette walked into the small coffee shop during Nicky’s morning shift. 

Jackie was keeping her best friend company as she poured her hundredth cup of herbal tea when she noticed the unusual spark in Nicky’s hazelnut eyes. It took Nicky a few minutes to pick herself up and finally place a word as the angel from her dream placed an order for an iced caramel latte. 

Weeks later everyone was introduced to Gigi, and Nicky made it her mission to become Jackie’s personal Cupid. She counted down the days until Jackie’s eighteenth birthday and reminded the other girl that giving up on love was never an option. 

“But you know I don’t care about this stupid soulmate thing.” 

“I don’t want to hear it.” Nicky cut her off, leading in and locking eyes with Jackie as she repeated. “You’ll change your mind when you see her.”

“I don’t think.” Jackie rolled her eyes, knowing very well that nothing would stop Nicky from putting her nose all up in her business. 

“It will make sense when you see her for the first time. Trust me.” 

Jackie wanted to believe her but it was quite ironic to think that a single dream about someone she’s apparently soul-bounded to would stop her from chasing the dream she’s had ever since she was just a child. Finding love definitely shouldn’t be a priority to anyone who’s yearning for success.

It’s just a weight to hold you down, some legend they tell children will make them happy in the long run. Jackie just had to look at her own parents to have those hopes crushed. Some soulmates don’t stick together forever, some don’t even meet and some never love each other. But they won’t tell you that in storybooks, instead, they’ll put this wonderful picture in children’s head that love is beautiful, love is important, or whatever they’ve been trying to make them believe nowadays.

Jackie refused to think that seeing some stranger in a dream would have even the slightest effect on her. Disney movies aren’t real and love at first sight is nothing but a myth. After all, what’s the use of falling for someone that she’d have no time for. 

~

The wind was howling through Jackie’s bedroom window, the sun was peeking through the curtains, reflecting on the sound asleep girl’s perfect curls. She seemed so peacefully asleep, far away in what seems like a perfect dream. 

But she wasn’t in some kind of fantasy land but in her own worse nightmare. Jackie went to bed thinking that in the morning her life wouldn’t have changed even the slightest, because seeing her soulmate wasn’t that big of a deal. 

If it wasn’t important, why did it take her hours to fall asleep? She can lie to herself all she wants, but it’s pretty obvious that it was bothering her. She’d do anything to kill those thoughts and forget about this stupid soulmate business. Why couldn’t this wait until she’s retired and passionate about knitting small hats for her multiple kittens? 

Jackie woke up in a shock. Usually, she wouldn’t find it hard to get up in the morning. She always considered herself a morning person anyway, so setting an alarm for 7 AM sounded great until she’d been pulled out of the dream she’d waited eighteen years for. 

All she got was a glimpse at the person she was bounded to for eternity, but that was enough to freak her out of her mind. 

Jackie scooted over to grab her phone from the edge of her bedside table and dial her best friend’s number because that was something worth waking her up for. 

“I had the dream,” Jackie said barely letting Nicky bring the phone up to her ear. 

“I was right wasn’t I?” Nicky lets out a soft giggle as she can already tell what Jackie wasn’t even ready to confess. 

“She is just- beautiful. She has that smile, Nicky, that dang smile.” Jackie sighed as she recalls the kind expression on the stranger’s face. She had such a welcoming smile, Jackie wanted to jump right into her arms and never want to go away. 

“Looks like someone’s changed her mind on soulmates, after all.” 

“I most certainly did not. My only priority is my career and it’s not because she’s tall- and blonde- and gorgeous that I’ll give up on my career for her.” That was one more lie Jackie could repeat over and over, trying to convince herself that she wasn’t completely smitten over the literal angel that she was meant to spend her life with. 

“Lie all you want, I know you can’t wait to meet her.” 

“That is if I ever do. I mean, not everyone does. So I really shouldn’t get my hopes up.” 

A very little percentage of the worldwide population never meets their other half, but Jackie still preferred to think she’d be one of the unlucky ones instead of focusing on the fact that she has more chances of becoming the queen of England than to be a part of that minority. 

“I kind of have a feeling that you’ll meet her soon. I’m in no way a psychic but I know my way around love.” Nicky said before politely excusing herself and hanging up to get back to sleep. 

Jackie laid her head down on her pillows, looking up at her ceiling. This day was announcing itself as depressing as could be as her thoughts were eating her alive. If she was so sure that her soulmate meant nothing back then, she couldn’t say the same after that night. 

What was it about this complete stranger that had such an effect on Jackie’s heart. Nothing should make her doubt her perfect life plan. But the way her soulmate’s perfectly coiffed blonde hair bounced over her shoulder, covering the spaghetti straps on her lavender coloured top, it had Jackie’s heart running laps. 

The little light in her eyes and the way her lips shined from the soft pink lipgloss she had generously applied, Jackie wanted nothing more than to snap out of her own reality and fast forward to the day she’ll be able to kiss them. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all to fall in love, she thought to herself. 

As she counted down the days until she’d finally leave for New York to chase her dreams, little did she know that that countdown was leading her to a much more important event.


	2. Love Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick exploration of Jan's life and how Jackie completely flips it on its head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, this is slut_for_jan_and_trixya. I wrote this chapter and the previous one was written by the incredibly talented socopotactico. She is awesome, super encouraging and her fics are bomb.com. I would highly suggest y'all go check them out.

Lines. All of her life, all Jan had ever known was lines. White lines streaked across her mother’s dark chestnut hair as she held Jan close to her chest doing her best to offer the little protection that she could from the world. Red lines streaked across her older brother’s wrists, each one a stark reminder that Christopher was in pain and dying a slow, agonizing death. Transparent lines running down Jan’s cheeks as she sobbed, the loud but muffled sound of arguing, the source of which her mother and yet another one of her boyfriends who would inevitably leave harsh purple marks on her milky white skin. 

Jan had been two when her father passed, her only memory of him a macabre funeral, with less than 20 people in attendance. However, she could never forget him as the pictures in the photo frames matched the one in the mirror to a T. Her mother’s sobbing had echoed the house for weeks and she could barely look at Jan without seeing her husband’s face in her. 

However, three years after his passing, James arrived. Greasy auburn hair and stubble that stretched Jan when her mother forced to hug him. The stench of bourbon and gasoline followed him wherever he went and it wasn’t until he was forcibly removed by the police that it left too. He was not the best, but he was far from the worst. What followed was a string of men who left holes in her mother’s heart and cigarette burns in Jan and Christopher's arms. 

Jan didn’t know how old Christopher was when he started cutting but she only noticed when she was ten. She caught him in his room crying as he mutilated his skin. Too young to understand why, she simply crawled into his lap, ignoring the blood and the tears and held him as tight as could. Hoping with every ounce of her soul that her tiny hands could hold this breaking heart together. The years passed and the cuts on his body increased as Jan watched her mother ignore Christopher’s slow descent into lifelessness as an attempt to preserve him in the state that he already was. Each night she would crawl into his arms as he sobbed, confused as to why but simply eager to give the little love that she had to spare. 

Jan was fifteen when Christopher died. His heart failed when he drained the blood in his veins to drain the pain in his mind. She found his lifeless corpse, soaked in red as Jan screamed for her mother to call the hospital. A couple of hours later, her world fell apart as the doctor told them there was no hope for Christopher. His funeral came a month later, even more poorly financed than her father’s. But Christopher had been loved. He had been so loved. People gathered to weep over his life but none cried harder than Jan. Jan had cried until she couldn’t move, screamed into the sky for taking away yet another person. 

All her life, Jan had suffered. She had felt incomparable pain and loss. But none of it had hurt as much as her mother was slowly losing her wits and her memory. Early-onset Alzheimer's. Less common for a person of forty-five years of age, but environmental trauma did factor into it. The day her mother momentarily forgot who she was had been the most painful since her brother died. She had stared into Jan’s eyes, the way one does to a stranger they feel as though they recognize. The terror and confusion evident as she earnestly and fearfully asked Jan who she was. That day was painful. But almost as painful as the day she had to send her to a nursing home because Jan simply couldn’t care for her. Thankfully, the nursing home had not charged her, but her heart had broken as her mother wailed in confusion every time she visited her. 

But instead of filling up with anger for the world, she remained cheerful and happy in demeanor. Forever smiling and forever optimistic that good would illuminate her world one day. She spent studying like a woman gone mad. Desperate to get into colleges good enough for her to fund both her dreams of moving out of her tiny apartment in Hell’s Kitchen and into somewhere where human life had worth. Somewhere where she could employ a live-in nurse to take care of her mother and care for her until she died a peaceful death in her sleep. 

She slaved away over text books, writing until her once delicate hands became bloodied and blistered. She worked until her body could handle no more, taking on jobs as dishwashers, waitresses, tutors. She loved her ailing mother with every inch of her soul, worshiping the only remnant of family that she had left. But most importantly, she stayed hopeful. Hopeful that her determination and diligence would lead her and her mother to a better life. 

Still Jan was never without a smile, never without a grin. Even when on days where the earth failed to move and the sky was grey and sullied, Jan remained happy. The textbook definition of a ray of sunshine, the girl radiated youth and joy with an effortlessness that evangelists strive to create. Her friends were puzzled as to why this girl who had consistently gone through trauma and pain still smiled at the very fact the sun had not crashed into the earth. Many times they asked her if something was wrong if she was hiding her pain behind her sparkling pearly whites. Each time Jan would laugh heartily and assuage their fears, she was happy, truly. 

But deep down, Jan was scared. Scared shitless. She was scared that she would end up like her brother or her father. She was scared that she would leave and her mother would die in the darkness, feeling alone and abandoned. Or worse, that her mother would abandon her in favor of the company of her father. She was so scared, but she was a happy girl and she was also a smart one too. She would not allow herself to succumb to the illness that her brother had. She would not allow herself to grow frail and inpained with bitterness and resentment. She would not allow the weight of the world to crush her. She would stand tall and she would stand proud. And most importantly, she would stand with a smile. 

~

“Jan? Can I ask you a question?” The young girl that Jan was currently helping with mathematics raised her head. Annabelle was a sweet child, wide-eyed and curious, angelic in every sense of the word. But boy, was Annabelle bad at math. Her parents had paid Jan a hefty amount after seeing her report cards if Jan could spare an hour each day with Annabelle. And Jan had been, for the past month. Each afternoon, she would walk from school to Annabelle’s home, the two girls doing homework side by side, nothing that Jan couldn’t handle. The girl was filled with questions, luckily none that Jan couldn’t answer. Still, Jan had a penchant for children and was naturally good with them. She would feel pride surge through her chest when Annabelle got a harder question right or when Mrs. Pewolski thanked her graciously.

“Sure, sweetheart.”

“It’s not math homework though, I know you only normally help me for math but I really need help.” The young girl's voice wobbled as tears threatened to spill.

“Of course I’ll help you, Annabelle. Don’t you worry bout a thing.”

“What’s a soulmate?”

“Well, Annabelle, a soulmate is a person who you are destined to be with.”

“Like a best friend?”

“Not quite, more like your parents.”

“Ewww, do I have to kiss them like daddy and mommy do?”

“Only if you want to.” Jan smiled at the preciousness of the child. “But I’m sure the second you meet them, you’ll fall head over heels in love.”

“Thanks, Jan.”

“Why did you ask me?” Annabelle bit her lip as tears threatened to fall from her cheeks again. 

“Because someone at school said I wasn’t smart enough for a soulmate.”

Jan’s heart clenched as she pulled the girl into a tight embrace. Annabelle may not have been the brightest but she was undeserving of humiliation, just like all people. 

“You are so smart, sweetheart. And I’m a big girl. I know that. Those kids don’t know what they're talking about. Besides, everyone sees their soulmate in a dream on the day that they turn eighteen. It’s like the universe’s birthday present to you.”

“What if they don’t like me when I meet them?”

“Kiddo, you’re only five. You have thirteen years before you know what they look like, let alone meet them. Besides, if they're your soulmate, they’ll love you as you are.”

“Thanks, Jan.”

“No problem.”

Annabelle continued with her homework as a tight feeling coiled up in her chest. Ever since she had known of their existence, in an odd, inexplicable way she had loved her soulmate. She had spent the last 17 years waiting for them to appear in her dreams, a white knight emerging to save the day. To reiterate, Jan was not stupid, she was far from that. She knew that the myriad of problems in her life would not vanish overnight simply because of a stranger her soul was bound to. And even if they did, soulmates didn’t always work out. Or worse, soulmates didn’t always stay. But the thought that another person, a kindred spirit, was out there comforted her. On days where she was convinced that no one loved her, she knew that deep down, her soulmate did. And that kept her going. 

Jan didn’t know her birthday, but she knew that it was in the month of July. And the first day of July had been eight days ago. Each night she said a prayer to god, hoping desperately that some beautiful goddess would appear in her dreams. Either way, beautiful or not, Jan would love her. Jan would devote her life to this person, whether or not her feelings were reciprocated. 

~

That night as she changed into Winnie the Pooh Pajamas and tucked herself into bed as she had been doing for seventeen years, she gave her best friend Brita a call. Brita lived in Harlem with her girlfriend of five months, Aiden. The two had met on the hectic New York City subway a month after Brita had her dream. Aiden still hadn’t had hers but she was enough in love to latch on to every word that Brita said. 

“Brita?”

“Hey, how ya feeling girl?”

“I’m doing good. Something tells me that tonight might be the night.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I feel it in my bones.”

“How many times have you called me this month?” Jan giggled as a blush spread across her cheeks. 

“Eight.”

“Don’t stress it, Jan. When the day comes, your soulmate will too.” Jan sighed as she bit her lip, a question hovering on her lips. 

“How did it feel when you saw Aiden for the first time?” Jan could hear Brita smile from the end of the phone as the loud mothed girl let out a light chuckle. 

“I don’t really know how to put it into words, but all I can say is that everything you thought you knew is going to change.”

“I love you, Brita.”

“Love you too, now I gotta go fuck Aiden.” The sound of Aiden’s embarrassment was audible through the phone as Brita hung up. 

Jan smiled. She would be okay. If her soulmate appeared in her dream, perfect. If they didn’t, then whatever dream she had would be normal like the rest of the time. She closed her eyes and the exhaustion of the day began to seep in as she drifted off into dreamland. 

~

Soft umber locks swirled down a long diamond face and in the center a strong chestnut-colored set of eyes. In between them lay a strong, slightly crooked nose and at the bottom a strong chin and satin soft, almost baby pink set of lips. A sense of duty and determination presented itself to Jan with her wide stance but the kindness that twinkled in her eyes was what enticed Jan. Something about this woman was different, she was ethereal in an almost natural sense. As if her beauty was blessed by the Gods and came to her as naturally as breathing did. She radiated something, something unknown a foreign whilst comforting and familiar at the same time. A sensation that Jan did not yet know, but would come to cherish within time. She stood there in a flannel, glasses, and ripped jeans that radiated confidence and a general lesbianic vibe. The lack of makeup somehow amplified this radiant energy that flows from her and all Jan wanted to do is stare at her until her life ends. 

Unfortunately, the universe decided to prevent this sequence of events by setting off her alarm and as quickly as she came, the gorgeous woman left. 

Jan looked at the time. Shit. She was late to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed my rendition, it is not a quarter as good as my predecessor but I hope y'all liked it.


	3. A lifetime together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jan is late to work and Jackie finally makes it to new work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all. It's me, your girl slut_for_jan_and_trixya. Socopotactico has been such an amazing co-creator. I probably drove her mad with my indecisiveness and my constant procrastination, but nonetheless, she had been so so so patient with me. She has been an amazing friend and I am so glad I got to meet her and bond over things we have in common. She is such a talented writer and such an amazing person. But here it is. It's finished. I hope y'all like this.

Jan’s POV

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Today was a bad morning for Jan. Thoughts raced through her head as she rushed to wash her face and tame the mangled mane that lay on her head. She had slept in thirty minutes and had two minutes to get to the cafe before the disgruntled manager screamed Russian curses at her. Thankfully, the shop was only a ten-minute walk away, and a five-minute run if Jan really went for it. But either way, customers were probably beginning to flood in and Katya was going to give her hell when she arrived. Katya was a good woman, truly. But not even Katya, with her effervescent good nature, could single-handedly brave the morning wave of cranky customers seeking their daily highly caffeinated beverages. 

Jan had worked at the cafe for five years now. I know, unbelievable that an adult would hire someone so young, but Jan had been blessed to look mature for her age. Katya had unknowingly hired the determined thirteen-year-old, who made drinks better than most of the entitled brats only in it for the free coffee. Jan had been seventeen when Katya found out her real age, leaving the poor Russian mortified that she had hired a tween to pour piping hot liquid, But Jan was a hard-worker, something that Katya valued. Thus, she chose to keep the grateful blonde in her employment. Besides, over the past years, Katya had grown into a reluctant mother figure in both of their lives. A sort of manic aunt. But ultimately, their bond was one that was cherished on both ends for five years now. And never, never in those five years, had Jan ever once been late. 

Jan looked in the mirror briefly as she brushed the loose strand of hair behind her ear, not even bothering to cover her evident eye bags with concealer. 

Wait. Jan was forgetting something. She was forgetting something important. She couldn’t place what it was, but the importance of the thing she had forgotten was starting to make her nervous and- OH

She had seen her. She had seen her soulmate. She looked in the mirror once more. Oh hell no. She picked up her phone and hastily dialed Katya’s number. 

“Hello?”

“Hey Katya.”

“Jan, where the fuck are you?”

“I’m so sorry, I’m gonna be twenty minutes late today.”

“WHAT!” Jan could see the small woman’s manic expression through the phone and winced. “It’s a Friday, Jan!”

“I know, I know. It’s just…”

“Just what?”

“I saw my soulmate last night.”

“Oh.” Jan could hear the reluctant smile creeping onto Katya’s face and she sighed a breath of relief. She wasn’t going to get fired. 

“I’m so sorry. I just really need to let it sink in.”

“Yeah, no problem. Sweetheart. I’ll just tell Trixie to call a babysitter and she can work your shift.”

“No no no no, it’s really fine. I just need twenty minutes and I’ll be there.”

“If you say so, Jan.” 

“Thank you, Katya. Thank you so so so much.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Jan gulped. 

“Sure.”

“Was she pretty?”

Jan left her mind drift for the first time and once again, the goddess-like woman from her dreams appeared in front of her. With all her sharp angular cheekbones and her dark umber eyes to her charcoal black hair. Pretty was not enough to describe her. The woman had been transcendently beautiful. She had shaken up everything Jan knew about the world the way a bartender shakes a cocktail and now Jan was left confused and longing. Longing for the dark-haired woman to enter her life. 

“Yeah. She was really pretty.” Katya smirked 

“Alright then. Now get your ass down here. Love you.”

“Love you too.” 

Jan looked in the mirror. Her hair looked like someone had raked through it with a fork, her lip color pale from over-exhaustion, and underneath her eyes was a dark blue looking pit that Jan desperately needed to fill with concealer. 

-

  
  


Jackie’s POV

New York. The city she had dreamed of moving to since infanthood. The city of lights and sound and broadway. The city where music echoed along the streets and into Jackie’s ears, filling the alleyways with a bustling sense of identity. Granted, New York was not everything she had ever dreamed of. People were rushing past her with a general impatient attitude quite foreign to her Canadian eyes. The sounds of cars honking violently in the distance were a stark contrast to the polite, passive-aggressive conversations that her neighbors engaged in. The aroma of day-old piss filling the air was definitely unexpected. 

But still, she was here. She was here in the epicenter of the world, where everything was loud and vibrant and lively. Nothing like her small Canadian hometown where dreams went to die. She was in the city where people with a dream, people with a destiny came to thrive. Jackie smiled as she wiped tears from her eyes. She had made it. Walking the streets of Hell’s Kitchen on a sunny afternoon had once been a figment of day time imagination, now it had become her reality. Jackie basked in the warm sunlight of the early morning, ignoring the impatient commuters cursing her name. She was in New York. She had fulfilled one of her lifelong dreams. And she was going to be happy about it. 

Oh, she hadn’t called Nicky yet. She had promised the french girl she would call upon her arrival. 

“Hello?” Nicky’s voice came out strained and rough, unusually raspy. 

“Hey, It’s Jackie. Do you have strep?” In the background, Jackie could hear Gigi giggling and immediately tried to wipe out the image that popped into her brain. 

“No, I-uh-I have a cough.”

“Is the cough called Gigi?”

“No…” Nicky huffed. “What do you want?”

“I made it to New York!” A grin materialized on Jackie’s face as she said the words, the weight of her achievement sinking in. “I made it here alive!”

“Yeah, Jackie,” Nicky said, a pride coloring her tone of voice. “You made it.”

“I did it, Nicky. All those nights of memorizing scripts, all the parties I skipped out on. I’m here.”

“Yes you are, sweetheart. And I’m so proud of you.”

“Me too, Nicky. Me too.”

“Now, when was the last time you slept?”

Jackie blushed as she recalled the events of the previous twenty-four hours. She had spent the night before pacing up and down her room before she sat fidgety in a car on the way to an airport, even more, fidgety on a plane and was overwhelmed with euphoria the second she landed in New York. She had consumed multiple cups of coffee, a dinner, a bagel, and a sandwich and she was most definitely sure that she was hallucinating at this point. 

“Remember when I tried to binge-watch every single episode of star trek?”

“Okay, we don’t want you to pass out on the street on your first day in New York.”

“Nope.”

“Either you go find your apartment and take a nap or you find a cafe and snort ground up coffee beans. 

“Yeah about that…”

“Oh fuck, what have you done.”

“I may not have an apartment yet.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that’s not too bad. Just stay in some cheap-ass motel until you can find one.”

“I love you so much, Nicky.”

“I love you too, now go find a Starbucks and down espresso shots like tequila and someone forced you to watch the Star Trek remakes.”

“Will do.”

As Jackie hung up, she scanned the street for coffee shops. Jackie loved coffee shops. Everything from the comforting aroma of freshly ground coffee beans and steamed milk to the natural, artistic ambiance that most coffee shops seem to embody. She loved the way she could sit at a table for hours, ordering caffeinated drink after caffeinated drink, just staring out of the passive paned windows, listening to the quiet chatter in the background. It was a habitat in which Jackie thrived. A coffee shop had been where she had done most of her studying, most of her homework. She had even done singing gigs there. So naturally, she had a good eye for them.

There, just opposite her. A small shop with a massive electric green and pastel purple sign with a foreign European name stamped on top of it. The inside was strangely furnished, the wall a beautiful periwinkle color, but all the furniture an equally beautiful, but clashing bold red. The tables had very clearly been bought on craigslist, but nonetheless, there was a sense of individuality that was so, so very Jackie. She could see people perched behind laptops cradling elaborately decorated mugs of steaming beverages. Some clear regulars, as the chairs with massive eyeballs painted on them, did not bother them. Others, definitely caffeine addicts desperate for a coffee shop who had found themselves in a strange, unusual climate. 

Jackie did even need to mull it over. 

She walked furiously, or rather, ran across the street and into the coffee shop. 

“Good morning!” Jackie looked up and before her was the most oddly dressed and proportioned person she had ever seen. She was around 5’5 with an asymmetrical blonde haircut and donned earrings that resembled small purple babies' feet and a necklace made from green sharks teeth. Her clothing was even more peculiar, a floor-length terracotta dress with Russian stamped on the chest in bright silver lettering. What was odd most of all was that this woman was incredibly strikingly beautiful. She had eyes that belonged to a wise soul and teeth obnoxiously bright. It was a very confusing juxtaposition, but nonetheless, it fit the theme of the cafe. 

“Good morning,” Jackie said, after promptly realizing that she had most definitely been staring. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Most people are a little scared when they see me.”

“Oh, I’m not scared. Just fascinated is all.” The woman cocked her head back and let out a terrifying wheezing laugh.

“Don’t you be flirting with me now, I’m married.”

“Lucky lady.” Instantly Jackie’s brain went haywire. She was so stupid. Why did she do that? For all, she knew this woman could be a raging homophobe married to another raging homophobe who owned a rifle and-

“Wow, someone’s got a good gaydar. I’m Katya.” Jackie left out a breath of relief.

“Jackie.”

“Nice name.”

“Thanks.” Jackie smiled. She had always liked her name. 

“Thanks, I am in a strangely good mood today.” 

“Oh?”

“So business is a little slow today and honestly I’m grateful. You see, my other barrister had a massive meltdown after she had her soulmate dream and is going to be twenty minutes late.” Katya sighs and a fond look crossed her face. “She’s a good girl that one. This is the first day she has been late, I’ve seen her come to work with a fever, a broken arm, the flu. The girl is hardworking. I told her to take the day off, but she insisted. Honestly, the kid needs to take a break sometimes.”

“I get it. I had my soulmate dream a couple of months ago and I was pretty shaken.”

“Mhmm.” Katya looked up at the ceiling suddenly and suddenly jumped. “Oh, your order. I have to take your order. What’s your order?”

“Um, can I get a look at the menu?”

“Oh, we don’t have a menu.”

“What?”

“You just say whatever you want, we’ll look it up and then make it for you. If we don’t have the ingredients required, we’ll tell you and you ask for another drink. We charge 3-5 bucks depending on what you order. ”

“I love that.”

“Thanks, my sister had the idea.”

“Can I have a couple espresso shots.”

“How many?”

“Four.”

“I am not gonna ask any questions, but anyone who orders more than two espresso shots needs a discount. So I am going to charge you two dollars per shot.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Oh don’t worry about it, I- Oh thank fuck, you’re here.”

Jackie turned and immediately covered her mouth with her hands. It was her. It was her soulmate. Blonde hair cascading down her chest like a fucking waterfall of honey and platinum. Piercing brown eyes lovingly adorned with a shimmery eggplant eyeshadow and her plump lips accentuated by a nude lip gloss. She was dressed in a light lilac sundress, clearly a thrift store purchase, but Jan made it look as if it was a designer garment. The way the fabric hugged and flowed in all the right places summoned images in Jackie's mind. Images that one should not be thinking about in the middle of the day in a coffee shop. An apologetic smile shone on her face as her head tilted at a light angle. She had not appeared to notice Jackie yet and instead walked straight to Katya. 

She had a good walk, Jackie thought. Firm, straight, grounded. The kind of walk that a person who had fallen over time and timer again would have. The kind of walk a person who had suffered and struggled would have. And she had a sort of bright aura around her. As if the obstacles the world threw in her way were insignificant as if she held the reigns of her own fate and her only. There was this blinding positivity that radiated from her and it was infectious. Jackie felt as if she had the power to conquer cities, to right all the wrongs of the world. It gave her a sense of confidence and most curiously, a sense of peace. Almost as if this woman was subconsciously comforting Jackie. Consoling her through a grief she didn't know existed. 

If Jackie had even a shred of a doubt that this woman was her soulmate, it was immediately abolished when Jackie heard the tinkling, melodic sound of her laugh. Her laugh sounded as if she was singing. As if her laugh was a melody and she was simply singing a song. There was an almost angelic clarity to the way that her voice resonated through the room and in that very instant everything Jackie had ever wondered about soulmates fell into place. Now she knew what Nicky had been talking about. That feeling when you understood that the universe had crafted another person specifically for you so that your two lost halves of a complete whole could find one another and live in a perfect utopic of harmony. She understood all the songs, all the books, all the movies. Everything that didn’t make sense fell into place and Jackie knew, definitely, unshakably, that this woman was her soulmate. 

“Hi.”

The woman turned around and she put a hand over her mouth as she suddenly fell to the floor. 

“I’m Jackie.”

The woman let out an audible gasp and Katya immediately climbed over the counter in a flurry and sat down on the floor next to her. 

“Jan? Jan? Jan, are you okay. Jan, sweetheart are you okay?”

Jan. Her name was Jan. 

Katya directed her gaze to Jackie, apprehension lurking behind her blue orbs. 

“Do you know her? What did you say to her?”

Jan gently put a hand on Katya’s shoulder. 

“She didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to.”

“Did you know her? Did she hurt you?” Katya very suddenly stood up aggressively and grabbed Jackie by the shoulders. “Did you hurt her?! Wait, oh my god. Are you some crazy stalker?”

“Katya.” Jan said, rising to her feet.

“Are you some crazy stalker that been following her around. I swear to god if you are-”

“Katya.”

“Get the fuck out of my coffee shop, and if I see your ass around here I’ll-”

“KATYA SHE’S MY SOULMATE!”

Katya stopped in her tracks, immediately dropping her raised hand and resting them gently on Jackie’s shoulders. 

“You do her right, okay?”

Jackie looked at Jan, with her pursed-lip and nervous eyes. She wanted to walk past Katya and kiss the frown away from her face. 

“I can’t imagine a world in which I could do her wrong.”

“Okay.” Katya moved aside and Jackie and Jan ran towards one another as they melted into an embrace. 

It was as if their bodies were made for one another, every jutting corner, ever dent and crevice. All of it fit perfectly like the final piece in a jigsaw puzzle. Jackie wanted to hold Jan until their bodies gave out even then she would hold her in her arms, cradling her and protecting her from as much of the world’s cruelty as she possibly could. She could feel her shoulder become wet with tears as Jan began to visibly sob. 

“Oh sweetheart-no, no. Don’t cry, please don’t cry.” She looked so pretty when she cried. But she looked pretty no matter what. 

“I-I-I was so scared.”

“Of what?”

“That-that you wouldn’t want me. Do you?”

“There was a time when I thought I didn’t want a soulmate.” Jan seized up and began to sob before Jackie interrupted her. 

“No, No, No, I’m not finished.”

“I don’t want to force myself on you, I don't’ want you to hurt because of me.”

“I’m not. I used to think that I didn’t want a soulmate. That I didn’t need one. I used to think that I was a lone wolf, a career bitch, whatever you chose to call it. But now, I don’t think there’s a world in which I could not want you. I have known you for a grand total of one minute and already I know that if the ceiling of this cafe was to collapse on top of us, I would jump on top of you and shield you with my body.” Jan let out a shaky laugh as Jackie cradled her face with her hands. 

“I don't know why, and I don’t know how, but I do know this. I know that I have fallen hopelessly and inexplicably in love with you. I know that you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and ever will see. Everything that is not you will never satisfy ever again. So please, don’t ever think that I don’t want you. But if you don’t want me, I completely understand. Your feelings are completely-”

Jan’s POV

Jan cut Jackie off with her mouth on hers and her nude lip gloss met Jackie’s watermelon chapstick as the muffled sounds of cheers in the cafe surrounded them. All Jan could focus on was this woman. This incredibly, sensational woman. This woman who had just walked into Jan’s life and changed everything she once thought she knew. Jackie. That was her name. The name of the woman who she would hold and protect and cherish until the day she died. This woman who had so blatantly professed and undying, but reciprocated love for Jan with the bravery of god knows what. There was an earnestness to her that Jan found insanely attractive, but all of these thoughts were thrown into the trash as all Jan could focus on was the texture of Jackie’s lips on hers. 

She tasted like the last birthday cake her mother had baked for her before her mind began to deteriorate. She tasted like the air when it rained and the petrichor scent dissolved into the walls. She tasted like the coffee-flavored steam in the air of the cafe. She tasted the way Christopher's tears used when she kissed them away. She tasted like spring and summer and autumn and winter all at once, a perfect harmony of everything wonderful and terrible in the world. She tasted like happiness and a carefree existence and most importantly love. She tasted like love. Jackie tasted like the kind of love that you read about in books and see play out in movies. Jackie tasted like the kind of love that drove her mother insane with grief. Jackie tasted like the kind of love that ruined your life. But for that kind of love, Jan was willing to go insane. She was willing to lose her wits and shrivel into a shell of a human being for just a taste. 

But would she stay? Every person who Jan had ever loved had not stayed, they had left Jan high and dry and with a bleeding heart and watering eyes. But as she breathed in Jackie’s warm musky scent, she realized that yes, yes Jackie would stay. After all the years of pain and abandonment and heartbreak, Jackie would stay. Because in her arms, Jan felt safer than she had ever felt in her life. She felt more loved and more protected than she ever felt in her life. Life’s mysteries and pains were no longer a foreign field that she had to travel alone, she had a companion now. She wasn’t alone anymore. She had someone by her side and she would love that someone with every cell of beating, pumping heart. 

They broke apart, both women gasping for air. 

“Jackie?”

“What do we do now?”

“We have the rest of our lives to find out. But for now, I want to take you on a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope y'all liked that. I stayed up way too late at night to finish it.


End file.
